Defying Ella

Six hours.

I had to survive six more hours with Jared Michaels, and then freedom would be mine. I’d lasted an entire month on tour with his band, Rhiannon. A couple more hours wouldn’t kill me. I hoped.

“Five minutes to soundcheck,” Matt, the band’s manager, shouted as he barrelled down the hallway.

For some reason, I’d expected him to be like Dan, my sister’s boyfriend. Upbeat and easy to deal with. After one show with him, I quickly realised that the only thing Matt and Dan had in common was the red tone of their hair. The man acted like a drill sergeant, and I’d happily leave his girlfriend to unpack that. I had a wily toddler to find.

One look at Matt’s determined face, and the roadies around me dived out of his way. Hell, I dived out of his way and I wouldn’t normally give standing up to the man a second’s thought. His focus fixed on me nevertheless and I resisted the urge to gulp. Maybe I should have dived further.

“Ella, have you seen Jared?”

No one ever asked me for the manwhore’s location. There was no earthly reason I should even know it.

Except, I normally did because I was a hyperaware idiot when it came to that man.

Five months ago, when Rhiannon decided it was time to grace Wales with their permanent presence after ten years away, I made a big, huge, idiotic mistake.

I slept with Jared Michaels.

Of course, I didn’t know that at the time.

His reputation and his affiliation to Rhiannon were a mystery to me. I didn’t learn that he spent his days playing music until weeks later. He blinded me with the tilt of his flirtatious smile and the intrigued light in his eyes.

The static thrill that kissed my skin whenever he brushed close to me in the club and the tattoos crawling up his neck might have done some sweet-talking too…

I shouldn’t have let him touch me, but then again it was only meant to be a night of fun. A night turned into a week. One amazing week. After which his unfocused flirting ways reasserted themselves pretty damn quick, and I cut my losses.

It wasn’t like I wanted a serious relationship anyway.

What twenty-four-year-old trying to enjoy her life does?

Especially one who hadn’t long returned from a year of travelling and needed to find her feet.

And definitely not with someone like him.

He seemed so ungrateful for the massive career-affirming opportunities chasing his band. It boggled my mind how someone could have their life’s dreams come true and not revel in it. If I had the tiniest clue what I wanted to do with my life and I found myself in his position, I’d hold on tight, nails dug so far into it that no one would ever separate me from it.

Anyway, when I saw that same flirtatious expression resurface and directed at someone else, I kicked myself, but I moved on. I ditched him, deleted his number, and tried to push all thoughts of his almost never-ending store of energy out of my head. Life continued in its weird uncertain way, but the memories fought suppression. The man had probably forgotten me, yet my dreams wouldn’t let it go.

And then bam!

The bastard sat in my sister’s flat, playing with my niece and making nice-y nice-y with my family. What the absolute hell?

“Why don’t you check a storage cupboard?” I sneered.

Matt nodded like it made perfect sense, which it would, because the drummer had a history of doing stupid shit. Matt glossed over the bite of irritation in my voice and brushed past me.

A twinge of guilt settled in my chest for the groupie Jared had snuck in there.

Quit it. She probably knew what she was getting into better than I had.

I continued down the concrete hallway, trying to shake off the tension riding my shoulders.

Mindlessly, I dodged roadies prepping for their final soundcheck of the tour and continued my hunt. For my sister.

I’m not sure how she expected me to babysit my niece when she kept randomly vanishing with her. I joined the tour specifically for that reason, and in the last few days, I’d spent a load of it twiddling my thumbs or sightseeing. It felt weird, being paid to be a childminder and not having a charge.

I wouldn’t even touch the weirdness of working for my sister, but Mel needed me and I’d been rather absent the last year. Guilt could be a powerful motivator.

Yes, the sister who invited Jared into her flat like it was no big flipping deal. She let the manwhore touch my niece with those hands that had been god knows where. It made me want to wipe Phoebe down with alcohol wipes.

I still kicked myself for not knowing, for not connecting him to Phoebe’s dad.

And then I would tell myself to chill out because how could I have known?

We hadn’t exactly spent a lot of time together growing up. Sure, we went to the same school but he played no part in my sister’s or Dan’s lives then and with five years between us, he wouldn’t have paid me any attention anyway.

I might have purposefully avoided asking the obvious questions — where are you from, where did you go to school, do you know X? Every time those words left my lips, I’d learn something off-putting and at the time, I just wanted to get off. I didn’t need to know his connection to an ex or a former best friend, or worse, childhood enemy.

Rhiannon hadn’t formed until years later. The first time I laid eyes on their drummer, it was through a press still after they signed with a label, and let me tell you, the images did not match reality.

What the hell happened to the scrawny, lanky kid with bedraggled hair?

I could have resisted that person with ease.

Plus I’d been blissfully unconnected for a year. I never concerned myself with the whereabouts of Wales’s latest hit band, even before catching a plane off the island. Of course, just because I didn’t pay attention to them, didn’t mean the universe had any issue messing with me.

Was it too much to ask that I be allowed to enjoy my life without the consequences of rash actions coming back to bite me at the most inappropriate of moments?

But enough of Jared. I had a small child to locate.

“Has anyone seen my sister?” I shouted above the ruckus of the black-shirted crew rushing around me.

“Phoebe, no!” Mel’s voice echoed down the hallway before any of them could answer.

A loud crash followed and everyone around me winced.

“Try the stage,” a black-haired guy with a goatee called over his shoulder.

“Thanks,” I muttered. Not that I needed help now.

Why was she on the stage when she had work?

Frowning, I headed in that direction.

I stepped into the auditorium and groaned. Half the drum kit lay on its side and Mel stared at it, red-faced, dragging her hands through her hair while roadies were picking up the pieces. Phoebe danced around her feet, gleefully oblivious to the destruction she’d wrought.

“Now don’t you wish you left her with me?” I called from the side of the stage.

Mel spun to face me, her light brown hair whipping around her. Despite her being three years older than me, we generally looked alike. Lately, we’d diverged quite a lot. I’d lost the will to wash my hair with the back-to-back tour stops. Dry shampoo was my friend while Mel somehow maintained her denial.

I shouldn’t chuckle at the pained grimace on her face, but we’d had this conversation so many times at this point, we had a script. Mel had spent the first four years of Phoebe’s life a single parent before she let Dan back into her life. Taking her eyes off my hyperactive niece might have been a challenge for my dear sister.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Auntie Ella,” Phoebe screeched, throwing herself at me. I grunted, too slow to catch her before she whacked me in the stomach. “I played drums. I was great. Right, mam?”

Mel bit her lip. “Sure, just don’t tell your dad.”

“You really mean don’t tell the band, right?”

It didn’t look like Jared’s kit but he’d probably still lose it. Unpredictable piece of work.

Just the thought of him being pissed off filled me with joy. I spun the little delinquent in a circle as a reward and she squealed in delight.

Mel smirked, seeing right through me. She’d clocked our bitter familiarity that first day in her flat and spent the next few months trying to get the whole thing out of me. I refused to give in. There was no need to drag a mistake into the open like that. No, it could just fade into the past. One day, I wouldn’t feel disgusted whenever he opened his mouth or aroused when he stepped off stage, topless and plastered in sweat.

“When’s mam and dad getting here?” I asked, placing a pouting Phoebe back on the ground.

Mel shrugged. “Any minute now. They were going to do some sightseeing before stopping by for the munchkin.”

The munchkin being Phoebe. We hadn’t told her that she’d be heading home with our parents while we drove down to the Alps for a much-needed girls’ fortnight away from the guys. After a month on a tour bus with them, we all needed a break. So, the moment the show ended, Mel, Alys, Nia, Daphne and I would be Lutago bound. A fancy-pants lodge in the Italian Alps awaited us.

Two weeks of blissful escape. Hardly any signal, great company, and a lot of wine.

I couldn’t wait.

“What the hell happened?” Jared roared from the house floor.

Mel chewed her lip, watching him approach, but I didn’t bother turning. I didn’t need to see the fire in his eyes to know he was about to set me on edge and maybe push me over it. It didn’t take much these days. One well-placed jab and we were at each other’s throats. To think I’d hated the predictability of my boring call centre job a month ago. If it meant escaping him, I’d go back to the call centre, even though I knew it would never lead me to my purpose.

Not wanting to give Jared any of my time, I crouched in front of Phoebe, pasting a huge grin on my lips.

“Shall we go count the pieces?” I held my hand out to her and allowed that mischievous feeling I always got fucking with Jared’s mood to surface.

For a second she chewed her lip, but I knew she wouldn’t hold out on me. My niece loved to play. Her smile was slow to grow, but then she nodded at me, a sly look in her own eyes.

“Just a little accident,” Mel said, facing down the raging bull without a moment’s hesitation.

“The kit is trashed. How is that a little accident?” Jared growled, gesturing wildly.

I turned away from him and led Phoebe over to the kit. We settled on the ground, our legs crossed and our backs to the glowering asshole.

“One.” I pointed out a part of the dismantled drum set.

He pounded across the stage. The vibrations thumped through my chest, but still, I refused to look at him. Instead, I focused on Phoebe, mouthing the next numbers to her as she counted. I couldn’t get angry with such cuteness before me.

“It’s not trashed. They’ll have it back together before you know it.” Patience filled Mel’s voice.

I could feel the burn of her gaze on my back, on Phoebe. The awkward smile she favoured whenever Phoebe was around for arguments probably claimed her lips.

“Who did it?” Jared bit out.

He stepped up to the kit and robbed me of the ability to ignore him. For a moment, he was just a black blob in my peripheral vision. If only I were strong enough to not look.

If I’d been that strong, I would have saved myself a whole lot of pain in the last month. Wouldn’t have seen him flirting with other women, leading them backstage or onto an empty bus.

But if I couldn’t see him, I conjured up extreme situation after extreme situation and tortured myself. It was better to look than imagine.

I sighed as my head turned, almost against my will. My eyes immediately trailed along his body. Why did he have to start working out? It would have been so much easier to ignore the bastard if he didn’t fit my type to a tee… if he hadn’t started hitting the gym twice a day and still looked like the skinny rake I vaguely remembered from school.

For some reason, he’d decided to buff up between Rhiannon signing and my meeting him. Someone in their PR team had helpfully forgotten to circulate new press stills.

Or I’d blanked their existence out.

Anyway, the result was a ripped six-foot-plus guy with short, dirty blond hair, striking green eyes and a contagious grin — if he chose to break it out in your vicinity.

Yet another reason I didn’t recognise him that fateful night in the bar.

Notice how I glossed over the tattoos painted across his chest, arms, back and creeping up his neck? They highlighted his hard muscles far too much for my peace of mind.

Maybe if he never took his hoodie off, I’d finally stop having to fight to resist him.

“Who did it?” he roared again, ignoring Mel completely and I ground my teeth. He stared around the stage, eying roadies with a hard expression. “Was it you?” he growled at a poor unsuspecting guitar tech, catching his t-shirt and pulling him closer.

The guy shook his head and scrambled away, taking my ability to ignore the pain in the ass with him.

“Go to your mam.” I helped Phoebe stand before giving her a gentle push towards Mel.

I jumped to my feet, the low burn of annoyance itching against my skin. His eyes widened for a fraction of a second as I stomped toward him. He clamped the surprise down fast, directing that scowl at me.

“Phoebe did it. Are you going to shout at a four-year-old too?”

Jared glared down at me as I squared up with him, toe-to-toe. I glared right back at him, my temper boiling high enough to outdo him if he wanted to start throwing his toys out of the pram. He could be a reasonable, nice guy when he wanted to be — I’d seen it. My sister wouldn’t let him anywhere near Phoebe if it wasn’t the case. I’d even seen him play with the munchkin and talk to his friends like a normal human being.

Today wasn’t going to be one of those days.

He had a manic glint in his green eyes. The last time I’d seen it, I’d caught him at a bar, late for our date, and all over another woman. I still hadn’t figured out where our wires crossed, and I had no interest in trying.

“Mel, why don’t you take Phoebe to the green room?”

Silence followed my request. I glanced at Mel.

“Are you sure?” she asked, eying me with concern while Phoebe hugged her leg.

That set my blood on fire. My niece barely knew the meaning of the word fear!

I turned back to Jared and crossed my arms. “I’ve got this asshole. I’ll meet you there in a couple of minutes.”

Jared’s brow rose while a smirk claimed his lips. The fragments of memories unearthed by that look were not welcome. They could stay buried beneath my bed and not haunt me with the sight of him groggy in the morning, his hair sticking up at all angles. Nope. That image no longer resembled the guy standing before me.

“No, Phoebe, that’s a bad word,” Mel said as she herded Phoebe off the stage. “Auntie Els needs her mouth washed out with soap. You don’t want that.”

My lips twitched at her pointed threat. I still hadn’t come up with more child-friendly but equally as insulting words to direct at Jared. I’d get right on that after I escaped this tour.

The side door closed, finally allowing me to breathe.

“Go back to your flavour of the day, Jared. Let the roadies fix this.”

Confusion swept away the intensity in his gaze. “What are you talking about?”

I sighed. “Where did you leave today’s girl? Matt’ll tear your head off if he finds strangers wandering around backstage.”

A frown morphed his features. “What girl?”

“You’re unbelievable,” I hissed, my indignation stronger than my will to hold the words in. “They have feelings, Jared. You can’t just use someone and toss them aside.”

The heat of his body buffered me in the freezing cold arena. A couple of months ago, I would have leaned into that warmth, would have taken comfort in it. Hell, my gut reaction still urged me to lean into him, to give into the itch in my fingers to trace away his frown.

I schooled my features, hiding the interest I’d never been able to extinguish. Nothing was off-limits with him. If he figured it out, he’d find a way to use it against me. Why, I couldn’t explain.

His expression cleared as his lips curled. “Don’t worry, El. You’ll have plenty of company at your next ‘I hate Jared’ meeting.”

Such an innocuous thing shouldn’t have flared my temper but combine the jab behind the words — I was just another girl he’d used — with the lazy, playboy smile, and I could almost breathe fire.

“Great. Thanks for building my army for me.” I forced a cruel grin to my lips. “Have you ever wondered what happens when a group of women you’ve used and abused get together in a room?”

He shook his head, his amusement unmarred. “I don’t give much thought to my conquests. You know that, El.”

You were nothing but a notch on the bedpost.

I refrained from clenching my jaw, but my body burned with the force of my anger. I stepped closer to him and bared my teeth.

“Then maybe you should start sleeping with one eye open. One of these days, someone won’t take too kindly to your wine and dine routine, pretty boy.”

With that, I breezed past him, my shoulders pulled back, and my head held high.

“Nah, I’ll just wave goodbye to my mousy haired shadow and enjoy my life,” Jared shouted after me.

I didn’t turn around, didn’t so much as acknowledge his newest claim that I’d only joined the tour for him. He’d worn out the jab at this point. I kept moving while the roadies flowed around me, unravelling millions of wires, lining up cases and hefting heavy-looking lights into the air.

To them, it was just another day on the road. Some of them were probably sad to be finishing the tour.

For me, it should have been a happy day. Escaping Jared, a holiday in the Alps and another new experience to add to my growing list. All I felt was the sizzle of anger as I rushed back down the hallway.

And irritation with a dash of sadness.

Why do I let the asshole get to me?

I stepped into the green room, my head pounding. Deep breaths did very little to calm the anger. The rest of the band sprawled out on the sofas, their other halves tucked into their sides. Mel took one look at my face and shot to her feet, leaving Phoebe tugging at Dan’s tightly trimmed ginger beard.

Seeing the pair of them together, with identical ginger mops of hair and the same mischievous grin, cooled some of the fire in my veins. Too cute.

Mel caught my hand before I could take more than a couple of steps. She guided me into the corner, away from the drinks table and the scattering of people.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, leaning close.

My eyes fell shut as I tried to force my breathing to even out. Jared was an asshole. I already knew that, so getting upset about it was a waste of energy. I blew out a breath, opened my eyes and smiled at Mel.

“I’ll be fine.” Even I could tell my smile was wonky. “Only five more hours to go.”

“One day, you’ll tell me what went on between you two, right?” Mel squeezed my hand, concern creasing her eyes.

I bit my lip. If I could help it, I wouldn’t utter another word about Jared to anyone.

Mel’s gaze shifted to Dan and Phoebe. I could see the cogs turning behind her eyes. What those cogs were, I had no clue. Dan stared back at her quizzically, equally in the dark.

“Listen,” she turned to me, leaning in close again, “why don’t you head to the lodge early?”

“But Phoebe —”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about Phoebe. It’s your day off.”

Is it?

Well, that would explain why she and Phoebe had disappeared without a word.

“There’s no reason for you to stick around and breathe the same air as him.” She smiled, a careful but encouraging look in her eyes. “Mam and dad will be here soon to take Phoebe. It’s less than four hours to the lodge, you could be there before the guys even go on tonight.”

I hummed in agreement. Very seriously tempted despite the guilt of ditching them all.

“Andy said the keys are in a lockbox. I can text you the code. The place is fully stocked so you wouldn’t have to do anything but pick up another hire car.” Mel smiled, silently imploring me to take the escape hatch she offered.

Who was I kidding? I didn’t need that much convincing. My body already vibrated with the need to skip out of this place with my bags in hand.

“Are you sure? The others won’t hate me for ditching out early?”

Mel snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’d all go with you if we could.” She tapped my arm and gave me a little shove towards the door. “Now go. Before Jared reappears and steals that tiny happy buzz from you.”

“Thank you.” I pulled her into a hug and squeezed tight.

“No need. Just look after yourself, Els.” Her arms tightened a little harder and then she stepped back. “I know a thing or two about running from difficult things, remember?” Her eyes screamed at me with a mixture of suspicion and understanding. “Now, go.”

I didn’t need to be told three times.

For the first time in weeks, as I dashed out the door, it didn’t feel like I carried a three-pound weight on my shoulders.

Freedom, here I come.

I parked the car outside the lodge and stared. The wooden structure loomed above me, surrounded by darkness but for the pool of light thrown by my headlights. The place was gigantic. I mean, I knew we’d be staying at a luxury lodge; you don’t make as much money as The Brightside did and buy a tiny cabin in the woods.

Still, I hadn’t been prepared for this. Huge windows framed the entire front of the building and a massive double door sat in the centre of the front deck. The place looked like it could contain at least fifty people. An exaggeration maybe but not by much surely?

Andy, The Brightside’s guitarist and pianist, owned the place, and he’d said there’d be more than enough space for the five of us.

We’d just assumed he meant ‘more than enough’ in normal people speak.

Having famous friends served us well. Who would have predicted that one?

The further I got from Munich the more my tense body relaxed and my mind settled. Two weeks without being constantly on edge, waiting for Jared to appear, wondering who he’d have on his arm, whether this time my stupid heart would get the move-on memo.

I couldn’t wait to spend my days relaxing between those walls with the girls. A little wine and loyal friends I could never have predicted adopting me into their circle. Before I left for Latin America, I didn’t realise I needed that. Now, I needed them so badly, even if they didn’t know how muddled my head was thanks to a certain drummer, and I’d do anything to protect my incredible luck.

Bracing myself for the cold, I shoved the car door open. The bitter air whisked in fast, stealing my breath and the residual warmth from a four-hour drive with the heaters blasting.

January in the Italian Alps. I think I’d be disappointed if the air didn’t bite.

Snow glistened at the edges of the drive, mercifully confined to that area and not the drive. The car was outfitted for it but I’d never driven on the stuff and that was one experience I would happily do without.

The front door swung open on silent hinges. Pitch blackness sat before me. I dropped my bag and fumbled for a switch. Every light blinked on blinding me for a moment. When the spots cleared, I gasped.

In my mind, lodge equalled wood from floor-to-ceiling, old-fashioned furniture, and leaky taps.

This was not that.

The wood remained a major feature of course, but there was nothing old about the place.

The entire level was wide open, framed by two huge walls of windows, one at the front and one at the back, displaying sweeping views down the snow-covered mountain. A swish kitchen lined one wall with a long breakfast bar decked out in marble and black cabinetry. On the opposite side, two sofas surrounded an open log burner with a fancy black flute that rose above the living area, venting out through the roof, twenty feet above.

I needed a stronger word for it than breathtaking.

With a huge smile, I made my way down the stairs to the lower level to pick my bedroom and unpack as fast as humanly possible.

I had plans for that fire that included a book and a blanket.

And while I enjoyed all the stress-free amenities of the lodge, I fully intended to appreciate my true freedom from Jared. If I played my cards right and planned my time accordingly, I would never have to see him again. Never have to be reminded of the magical and unpredictable week we spent together.

I didn’t mean to nearly fall for a musician.

My mother had certainly warned me enough growing up. She would know. My dad was enough of a handful for all of us. Musicians and normal lives rarely melded together unless someone was willing to compromise. My parents struggled to find that balance and my sister only started to trust my dad in her life with Dan’s return.

In the end, I wasn’t different.

I thought a week of unexpectedly open conversation and off-the-charts chemistry meant something.

It didn’t, but at least now, I could firmly shut the door on Jared Michaels and his shiver-inducing smile.

Starting right now.

The fire crackled, the sound muted against the trickle of country music filtering through the built-in sound system. I repeat, built-in.

How freaking cool was that!

Mackenzie Porter sang about being replaced by another girl, while I luxuriated in the warmth of the flames and the just as heated book in my hands. The smuttier the book the happier I’d be and this one was on track to outdo all the rest. I loved it.

After two weeks of this, I could get more than used to it.

Maybe I wouldn’t leave when the time came.

I didn’t have a job to get back to. Now that the tour had ended, my time as Phoebe’s childminder had, too. I could find a job at one of the ski resorts and finish out the winter here. Give in to my travel-bug tendencies and enjoy all the wood fires. Maybe learn to ski. Oh, the possibilities.

Bonus, Jared couldn’t throw his flings in my face if he couldn’t find me. I could already feel my mind relaxing, no longer on guard for the smallest attack.

For the first time in weeks, my entire body sagged. The only way I could relax more would be to uncover the hot tub on the back deck and let the jets and steamy water beat my aching muscles into submission.

I sighed at the mere thought. Plan for tomorrow. Bliss.

The front door slammed open and I jumped out of my ever-loving skin. A screech may have escaped me. It took my foggy brain a couple of seconds to catch up to the sight before me.

“No way in hell. What are you doing here?” I shot to my feet, almost growling at the damn drummer I just couldn’t shake.

White glistened in his hair while the front of his half-heartedly zipped-up coat was plastered in snow.

“What did you do? Take a swim in it?” My voice might have squeaked a little at the end.

Jared continued to stare at me, his fists clenched at his sides.

This can’t be happening.

He stood in the entryway with the door wide open, blinking at me while he let all the heat out. Men!

“Stop gawking and shut the door before you let all the heat out.”

Why didn’t you tell him to shut it on himself, Ella? For fuck’s sake.

Jared didn’t budge. His mouth opened and closed as he continued to stare at me and my growing irritation. Did I have to do everything with this idiot?

I raced towards him and he flinched.

Flinched!

Because of me.

Had I fallen asleep? Was I having a bizarre nightmare?

Outside, snow flurries fell, blanketing everything in its path. It hadn’t been that bad when I’d arrived, but then that must have been hours ago.

I flung the door shut behind him, blocking out the bone-freezing cold. The crack of the wood meeting the frame echoed around the open space. His shock cleared only to be replaced by a scowl and just like that, the blissful, relaxed feeling evaporated.

“I repeat, what are you doing here?” I circled him and stopped with my arms crossed, a scowl to match his overtaking my face. “How did you even find me?” I dragged a hand through my hair as the possibilities unfolded in his silence. “Scratch that. I don’t want to know what stalker shit you pulled off for this.”

“I’m not stalking you, dipshit.” Jared sneered. “I have better things to do with my time. Andy gave me the place for the month.”

“You’re a lot of things, Jared. I didn’t peg you for a liar.” My head tilted as my eyes narrowed. “Forgetful, yes. Terrible at communication, abso-fucking-lutely. A liar, no.”

“I’m not lying.” He took a jerky step toward me before catching himself. “How do I know you’re not the one stalking me? I already told you we’re done, sweetheart, you don’t need to follow me to the Alps.”

I glared at him but chose not to rise to his baiting. Getting rid of him would be the priority, not correcting his screwed-up sense of reality.

“Andy gave us the lodge for two weeks. The girls will be here tomorrow.” My hands fell to my hips. “Tell me again how you’re not lying?”

Jared’s jaw shifted and had it not been for the reality of the situation I would have taken great joy in his annoyance.

“You’re lying.”

I shook my head. “Dream on, Buttercup. The girls will be arriving first thing in the morning.”

“No,” he spat at me before pulling out his phone. His fingers flew furiously across the keyboard.

I considered my abandoned book and the dying fire. It called to me, but no way was I turning my back on Jared. The tricky sod would pull one over on me if my back were turned.

There is no way on this earth I am sharing air with him for a second longer than needed.

A month was long enough.

Jared’s phone pinged almost instantly. He scrambled to unlock it, his brow furrowed with determination. Any hope in his expression evaporated in the blink of an eye as he read the message.

He swore, glancing up at me from beneath his lashes. He didn’t need to tell me what the message said, I could read it on his face.

Andy messed up.

Which didn’t matter because I arrived first.

I firmed my stance, threw my shoulders back and stared the bastard down.

“When did he give you the lodge?” Jared asked, the words falling off his tongue slowly, with hesitation.

“At the start of the tour.”

He sucked in a deep breath. If it was meant to be calming, he failed. His face slowly reddened, and it had nothing to do with the heat from the fire. The thing had almost died, and my fingers were starting to tingle with the cold he’d let in.

“I need it more than you,” he said, his voice low. The tension around his eyes softened and his lips curled in a far too familiar half-smile.

The bastard had some nerve, trying to fucking charm me.

“You don’t actually think I’d fall for that routine again?” I laughed when his brows drew together. “Oh, Jared. I’m not one of your groupies. You can’t charm me into doing whatever you want anymore.” I glanced up and down his body, forcing a twist of disdain to my expression. “Been there, don’t need another burn.”

I’d had to deal with him picking up a girl in every city, only to toss her aside the next day. Honestly, he was disgusting. I couldn’t figure out how he’d duped me. He’d been sweet, and I thought, unguarded. Obviously, it had all been a front. One that vanished in a puff of smoke the second I ran into him outside the secluded comfort of my flat. I couldn’t reconcile that guy with this – this asshole who thought women were disposable, existing only to serve his whims.

Sometimes it made me feel sick that I’d ever let him touch me, let him make me even consider a relationship for a fraction of a second. I had no interest in being tied down. Enjoying my life for as long as I could with no attachments suited me much better. Yet seven days with him and I’d had traitorous thoughts that would have put it at risk.

“No, I’m certain after a month of you, I need it far more than you,” I grinned, staring up into his green eyes, “and lucky me, I got here first.”

“I’m serious, El.” His hard ass mask slipped, leaving me staring at the man who’d once made me weak. “If you felt anything for me, you’d leave.”

“Wow, does emotional blackmail work on your other flings?” I crossed my arms and let the effects of his imploring eyes bounce off me. Once I might have buckled, but that ship had well and truly sailed.

“It’s not emotional blackmail if it’s genuine.”

I snorted. “Try it on someone who doesn’t know you. You wouldn’t know genuine if it hit you in the face.”

“Els.” He tried again with that imploring look and my weak heart twinged at the sight of it.

“I’m serious too, Jared. I’m not sharing space with you ever again.” I circled my finger, gesturing to the door. “So don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Drive safe.”

I turned, done with his shit. Jared caught my arm. He shuffled in close, invading my space and lowering his head until his forehead almost pressed against mine. I fought to keep my eyes open, to not luxuriate in the sweet press of his skin against mine or the teasingly close heat of his body. Nerve endings swooned beneath his fingers, the sensation dancing up my arm much the way they did the first time.

“I’m not leaving. I can’t.” It was probably my imagination, but he sounded broken. Ridiculous.

I pursed my lips as my gaze roamed his face. It wasn’t fair for him to be that pretty considering the husk of a heart inside of him. Yet those green eyes captivated me, surrounded by thick black lashes. Throw in his hooker lips, plus my apparently weak will, and resistance became an absolute nightmare.

“There’s like twelve bedrooms so I’m sure we could avoid each other for one night.” A flash of the snow plastering the drive outside filled my mind and my annoyance fizzled, weakened against my will. “Plus it’s probably not safe to drive with the roads icy and snow-covered.”

I wanted to pull the words back the second his shoulders relaxed. I did not need him relaxing and thinking he could sweet talk me into giving him his way. No, no, no.

“First thing in the morning, you find somewhere else to hide for the month. The girls will be here by midday and I’d rather them not know you invaded our space.”

He stepped back, a small smile curling his lips. It made me want to kiss him.

“Mel will want to fumigate the place and I’ve gotten rather attached to it.” I stared him down, the insult tripping off my tongue with practised ease that I hated.

He didn’t react, which set me even more on edge. We’d hit a routine by this point. One barb for another, angry shouting, one of us storms out with the entire room staring at us.

Rinse, repeat.

This silence made me uncomfortable.

Especially when his face was shut down like that.

“We’ll figure it out in the morning,” he said, his tone not filling me with any sort of confidence that I’d won. He picked up his duffel bag and pointed toward the stairs. “Bedrooms down there?”

I nodded. “I took a room at the back of the house.”

“Then I’ll find my corner at the front.” With a chin tip, he dismissed me, and for the first time since he blew through the door, I noticed the wary lines marring his face.

I watched as he made his way to the stairs, head down, not taking in a single part of the beautiful space.

Something wasn’t right.

I mean it had never been right with him, but somehow it felt worse now.

Not that it mattered to me. Tomorrow, I would be rid of the nuisance, and my holiday could truly begin with some great friends to wipe away the toll of spending a month around his acidic mouth.

Content with that promise, I doused the fire, collected my things, and headed to bed. Climbing beneath the plush duvet, I marvelled at the peaceful tranquillity outside my window. Flakes still fell, dancing between the trees and toying with the moonlight. For the first time since I could remember, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

“Fuck!” Jared roared, his voice carrying through the entire lodge and waking me from a dead sleep.

I sat bolt upright in the darkened room, my heart pounding while my sluggish mind raced to catch up. My fingers curled in the soft sheets, and I focused on the glide of the material beneath my fingertips while my breathing evened out.

Jared didn’t shout again, so I settled back against the pillows, wide awake and frowning. Why the hell was he awake? It had been just before three when I crawled into bed. I didn’t know when the sun rose around here but it couldn’t be long now.

Yet I felt well-rested.

I glanced at the windows framing my room. The sight before me wouldn’t compute. I’d left the curtains open. It hadn’t been this dark when I went to bed.

Or white.

“Shit,” I muttered when the snow pressed against the glass registered.

My heart pounded yet again as I tossed off the sheets. It didn’t slow as I threw the door open. I cleared the stairs fast, my breathing erratic, but who the hell cared, if my suspicions were correct?

Racing across the open lounge, my attention zeroed in on the front door, I missed Jared until his voice boomed through the space making me jump for the second time in ten minutes.

“Don’t do it,” he ordered as I reached for the handle. I spun to face him, my eyes wide and a question on the tip of my tongue. “I already tried it and nearly covered the floor in snow.”

He stood at the breakfast bar, staring into a mug. Light streamed in, glaringly bright. It didn’t make me relax. It made it all worse. The lodge sat on two levels with the front at a higher elevation than the back and looking out over a steep mountain decline. For it to be daylight up here but pitch black down below, that meant we had to be…

I opened the door despite Jared’s warning, needing to see it for myself.

My jaw dropped and a gasp caught in my throat.

The wall of white stood taller than me.

How…? Why…?

“Fuck.”

“My sentiments exactly.” It didn’t sound like Jared, lacking his fire and confidence.

He stopped next to me, his hands shaking as he reached for the door. Carefully, he closed it without disturbing the wall of frozen water.

I couldn’t stop staring at the door. Jared went back to his tea and I stared at the door wondering if it had all been a dream. If I opened it again, would we still be snowed-in? Delusional, I know, but I’d take anything if it meant not being trapped with Jared.

Frowning, I turned back to him and studied his bizarrely subdued reaction.

“Why aren’t you freaking out right now?” I padded across the floor cautiously. “We’re snowed in. I would expect you to be more…” I paused, searching for the right word. Unhinged. Freaked. Pissed to be stuck with me. Any of them would work, but I went with none. “Why are you so calm?”

I rounded the kitchen island and promptly wished I could take the words back. He glared at the wall — and now me — while his jaw tensed and his knuckles were white around the handle of the blue mug.

“Are you okay?”

“Will you shut the fuck up for once?” Jared snapped.

I flinched at the unexpected whip of sound. A crack sounded in the silent space, then the mug clattered to the worktop, and liquid splashed everywhere. I grabbed a tea towel and rushed forward, focused on catching the worst of the spillage before it caused any damage to Andy’s house.

“Jesus, read the room,” Jared said when I rounded the island and tried to clean up. He pushed me away, snatching the towel from my hands. “If I needed your help, I’d ask for it.”

I opened my mouth to argue that I wasn’t trying to help him and his eyes narrowed, spitting fire at me.

Yesterday, I’d washed my hands of him. With detailed plans to avoid him forming in my mind, I’d let go of the combative energy I needed to constantly be on the defensive with him.

I was meant to be alone. I was meant to be on holiday with good friends.

So of course, I’d let all my walls crumble. It had been a relief, to not have to brace myself to walk into a room or school my features when I heard his voice.

A night was not enough time to put it all back up.

He hadn’t broken out any of his usual hateful barbs, yet my chest hurt, and my eyes burned.

Spinning on my heel, I rushed into the pantry that sat off the kitchen.

I just need a minute.

For a second, I let the darkness engulf me while I just breathed.

You know he’s an asshole. Nothing he says can surprise you at this point. So buck up, put on your mask, and pretend he’s a slug squashed beneath your shoe.

With the pressure easing in my chest, I got to work on the thing actually stressing me out. Surviving being trapped at all. Being trapped with Jared was a whole other level, and until I had a couple of hours alone, I couldn’t focus on it.

I flipped the light on and swept my gaze across the pantry, overflowing with tinned and canned goods. Food, tick.

Cases of water lined the floor. Water. Tick.

Some of the tension eased in my neck.

While I raced back into the main space, I started opening every single door on the upper level. I mentally itemised everything. From the corner of my eye, I noted Jared slumping on his stool, his head in his hands.

We had enough food and water. What about firewood?

How long would we be stuck?

Who did we need to call?

Would we have signal right now?

Deal with it later. Survive now.

I paused in the centre of the open plan space, my gaze running over every available door.

Where is the firewood?

When I arrived, there was a basket full of kindling and firewood in the living area. I hadn’t needed to search for it. Surely, that wasn’t all of it.

I dashed out of the room, past Jared pulling at his hair and skipped down the stairs just fast enough to not trip myself up.

Ten doors later, I found the storage room. The panicked breath trapped in my lungs whooshed out of me. Okay, so if the worst happened, we’d have heat, food and water. I might not have my sanity but at least I’d live. In theory.

I returned to the main floor with a much greater sense of calm. It wasn’t all doom and gloom.

With nothing else to distract me, I focused on Jared’s state of mind again. He’d returned to sitting on a breakfast stool, his head bowed while his foot bounced on the crossbar. His hands dragged through his hair, tugging every now and again while he muttered to himself.

It was a jarring sight. He’d morphed from sleek confidence to deranged in a matter of hours. Freaky.

I hesitated, chewing on my lip while I tried to find a way to ignore him. My gaze shifted to the sofa and my waiting book. I could light the fire, curl up with my current read and pretend none of it was happening. I could make it work. My mother always said I was too good at make-believe.

He didn’t want my attention anyway. He’d made that perfectly clear.

Yet guilt swamped me.

Argh.

“You’re still acting weird, so I’m going to ask one more time and then I’ll go back to ignoring you.” I strode towards him, forcing a strength I didn’t feel into my voice and walk the closer I got to him. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” he muttered almost too low for me to hear him.

I pursed my lips, lifting my eyes to the ceiling imploringly.

I’d asked, right?

He said he was fine. Again. I could go about my day without guilt now.

If only that were remotely true. I didn’t believe him and I might be great at make-believe but I wasn’t great at ignoring other people’s emotions. Stupid empathetic traits.

“You don’t need to pretend in front of me.” My hand hovered above his shoulder, resisting my instincts to rub his back.

I curled my fingers in on themselves, clenching so tight my nails dug into the palm of my hand. He’s not Phoebe, you idiot. You hate him and he just bit your head off over spilt tea. I withdrew the hand before he could even notice, but I didn’t retreat. Unfortunately, I couldn’t reason my way into that one no matter how much I despised sharing air with him.

“I’ve checked the supplies and we’ll be fine until someone rescues us.”

What should have been a reassuring statement had the exact opposite effect. His entire body stiffened as he lifted his head.

A wolf scenting prey.

Stop with the weird analogies, Ella. It doesn’t help.

One day, I’d learn to not bother trying with him. One day, I’d protect myself before him.

His hands fell from his hair and he turned towards me. The panic faded before my eyes. He hadn’t opened his mouth and my body knew what was coming, tensing for the verbal blows.

“I still don’t need you to take care of me, Ella.” His gaze trailed up and down my body. His nostrils flared and his green eyes glazed over with heat for a second before his disinterested mask slipped back into place.

Bastard. I’d never actually tried. I’d offered him painkillers when he got a headache once on tour but that hardly counted. Cleaning up the spill definitely didn’t, that had been all for Andy.

Only then did the bite of cold on my legs register. I wore nothing but a skimpy strap top and shorts so small and loose they only just about covered my ass.

Shit.

I stared him down, refusing to cower or show even the slightest bit of embarrassment. Just as soon as I got rid of him, I’d go get changed.

“I never did, and I never will.” He slid off his stool and crowded me, his face set in an expression I’m sure was meant to intimidate me.

Instead, it sent a rush of heat through my traitorous body. Now that made me scowl.

I hadn’t and never would want anything serious from him. Did I wish he was less of a manwhore and I hadn’t fallen for his routine for an entire week? Sure. Considering I hadn’t discovered a time-turner or a magic watch to turn back time, I had to accept my lapses in judgement for what they were: a mistake.

That didn’t mean I’d let Jared beat me with it, though.

I snorted and his glare darkened. The itch for a full-on blowout argument tickled the back of my mind. I hated letting him win, but one of us had to be sensible.

We needed to get our ducks in a row. Biting at each other wouldn’t achieve that.

“You weren’t even the best I’ve had.” He lowered his head towards mine, his gaze unwavering.

After a month of sharing a tour bus with him, I’d heard most of his barbs.

Didn’t mean they hurt less.

I shook my head. “I’ve heard that one before. You could try to be original.” I smiled, sickly-sweet. “Oh yes, I forgot. You don’t want my help. Sorry.”

He opened his mouth to continue arguing but I slapped my hand across it before he could spew any more hateful crap.

“How about we not?”

His nostrils flared as my breasts brushed against his chest and his eyes darkened. I hated him but my body didn’t care. It recognised the unintentional invite in his gaze and my nipples pebbled.

For fuck’s sake.

Still, glorious silence filled the lodge while he stared at me. Indignation swept aside the lust in his eyes. The fact it silenced him shocked me, but I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Okay,” I croaked. Clearing my throat, I continued, “This, the asshole routine, isn’t helping.” His mouth opened beneath my hand, igniting a tantalising tingle I didn’t want to study too closely, and I rushed on. “Why don’t you go gather some more firewood from the storage room downstairs while I try to reach someone?”

I held still, staring him down until he nodded. Then, and only then, did I remove my hand.

Muttering to himself, he dodged around me and went to follow orders. I stared after him with my eyes wide. What the hell was happening? I hadn’t expected it to work!

Phone in hand, I turned my back on the stairs. The whole thing set me off balance and now I needed something to distract me.

Surprisingly, I had signal. Thank fuck for small mercies.

“We’re stuck in traffic. The navigation says we’ll be another hour, but we haven’t moved in ages,” Mel rushed out.

“That traffic’s probably because we’re snowed in.” I sighed, rubbing at my temples.

Silence stretched.

“I’m sorry, the line must have gone funny. Did you just say you’re snowed in?”

“Yup.” My lips smacked together on the foreboding word as I collapsed against the barstool Jared had vacated. “Six feet at least at the front and the lower level is completely covered.”

My gaze fixed on the sliding doors leading to the covered deck. Snow hadn’t piled up out there. The hot tub was still accessible.

Maybe there’s a side access.

Although, any kind of access would be next to useless when the cars were covered.

A chorus of ‘shit’ filtered down the line as the girls heard.

“Are you okay?” Mel swore. “That was a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay. We’ll pull off at the next junction and find a hotel, figure out how to get you out of there. There must be an emergency plan for these situations, right?”

“Is it weird, being stuck up there on your own?” Nia called, her voice sounding far off compared to Mel’s.

To tell them or not to tell them. I chewed my lip, considering the wisdom of it. If they knew they might worry less about me being alone. Or it would make it all worse and they’d start worrying they’d find a body-shaped hole in the snow outside the deck when they arrived. Which of us would be in it would be up for debate.

“Ella?” My name dragged out as Mel’s bullshit radar turned on.

I sighed again. I had a feeling I’d be doing a lot of that before we escaped.

Funny how last night I never wanted to leave and now I dreamed of escape.

“I’m not alone.”

“What do you mean you’re not alone?” Mel asked, confusion lifting her voice.

“Ella, you little minx. Have you picked up a guy already?” Nia shouted.

Laughter drowned out my sister’s protests while I covered my face. I shouldn’t have said anything.

“I got in late, guys. There weren’t a lot of gorgeous strangers wandering around when I arrived.” I forced a jokey edge to my voice, but my face heated.

I didn’t want to share all the sordid details of my life with my older sister.

“But you said you’re not alone,” Mel repeated, her confusion deepening.

“I’m not. Jared’s here.”

A wall of noise blared down the line as they all erupted with questions. I held the phone away from my ear, grimacing at my stupidity. Think next time.

“How is he there?” Mel shouted.

“Did you invite him?” Alys asked, confusion deepening the lilt of her accent.

“How did he find out where we were going?” I could hear the scowl in Nia’s voice.

“Have you stabbed him with a fork yet?” Daphne asked, sounding positively giddy at the thought.

I snorted at that last one. “Not yet, but I’ll keep it in mind if he winds me up too much.”

“Seriously, Els, are you okay?” Mel’s concern calmed the raucous questions on her end.

I pursed my lips and gave it serious consideration this time. Jared wouldn’t physically hurt me. That had never been a concern despite Daphne’s joke about me stabbing him. Verbally though, he could pack a punch and I’d already seen him ripe for it this morning….

Which was weird come to think of it.

Why had he just caved to my orders to collect firewood?

Normally, he’d ignore my demands for him to go away and dig his feet in. Today, he just went without a single word of argument.

“I can handle Jared. Don’t worry about me.” Bizarrely, I meant it. They weren’t just words to appease her. “Can you get hold of Andy and find out what we need to do in these situations? The lodge is fully stocked with water, food, and firewood. We still have power and running water for the minute too so we’ll be okay for a little while, but it would be good to know someone knows we’re up here.”

Or maybe not, in case you do push him off the deck…

“Of course. Nia’s already calling him. We’ll get you out of there as fast as we can.”

Mel blew out a shuddering breath and I resisted the urge to reassure her. What good would it do? The very man I’d left Munich early to escape was trapped beneath the same roof. Nothing I could say would make her believe everything would be fine.

We were just lucky we still had power.